Chapter 08: Temperance

Willpower; that’s what it all comes down to. I must have the willpower and self-control to keep myself from doing something I know would only be beneficial to me. The question is can I? She came by. She followed me into the sewer and was a short guest in the upstairs bedroom; the place still smells like her. It doesn’t help that I decided not to wash the sheets she slept on but…I couldn’t bear the thought of losing the only contact with her that I may ever have. 

I missed the opportunity to give her back her missing property. If I’m being honest with myself I purposely didn’t mention the necklace. A part of me thinks it’s because I’ll get the chance to see her again but then the other part says I did it for the same reason those cotton sheets are now hanging in my closet. I’m weak. I’m a very weak man unable to control the draw Natalie has on me and it’s killing me the longer I allow this attraction to be in charge. I must get back my willpower if I’m forced to live with the vermin. This monster inside me is scary, unpredictable and very unproven around people. All it takes is one kink in the chain before…

The sound of the 1^st level door rattling pulled Blake from his thoughts and he started up the metal stairs towards it. She told someone about me! Became his first and only thought and he hesitated to unlock the door and take a look. Taking a deep breath, he pulled open the large steel shutter and took one step back as Natalie’s smiling face greeted him on the other side. “Hey,” she met him in warmth and moved forward. “Um sorry if I made a lot of noise. This door doesn’t exactly have a doorbell,” she teased.

“What are you doing here?” Blake asked coldly standing firm as she tried to step in around him. 

“I…um…the other day I realized that I hadn’t said thank you for that night behind the café. I just wanted to come and say…”

“Were you followed?”

“No…I don’t know…I don’t think so…”

“You shouldn’t be here. I thought after the last time you’d realize the reason I set the traps was to keep people out of here. I don’t want anyone coming by, especially to this door. I don’t need the attention.”

“I’m sorry I just thought…well you seemed lonely. So I figured I’d come by and see if you were ok.”

“Well don’t! If I wanted company I’d buy a dog. Please don’t ever come here again.” 

He shut the door without another word and waited near it as he listened to the shuffling of Natalie’s feet fade the farther she withdrew from the area. Blake hurried to the rooftop and watched as Natalie got behind the wheel of a car parked a few streets over and drove off.  

With a heavy sigh he turned and entered his bedroom again, taking in her smile as he peered at the walls covered in her pictures. What did you do Blake? “What I had to,” he answered the little voice in his head aloud. He knew her presence near him was dangerous. He also knew that if he’d let her in, allowed her to be around, the longer she was in his company the more likely the possibility of someone finding out about him and seeking him out. He couldn’t risk exposing himself to more of the public. Having her around was bad enough; his wolf was already starting to make claims on her as if the force behind his emotions was some valid stake proving ownership. He took a seat near the fireplace and started his writings again.

The object of my desire returned and I ran her away. What was she even doing here? Why come back to a place that’s dark and scary when she deserves all that’s light and beautiful in this world? She had the presence of mind to park away from the building. Whether it is because she knows I want to keep this place a secret or she didn’t want her car vandalized while sitting in front of a vacant lot remains to be seen. I hurt her, a necessary evil.

She has no idea what she would be risking coming around me like that. But the look on her face when I told her never to come back…it hurt me more. This is the true nature of the wolf’s bane; this is the real curse. Having to live apart from society knowing that I’ll never be able to get close to someone is becoming more than I can bear. I have to find the animal that did this. There has to be a cure for this and I’ll find it…or die trying.

                                                                                                                                        

                                                                                                                                                     -BF

Natalie returned home and rushed up to her room ignoring the quizzical look on her mother’s face as she took the stairs quickly. She threw off her top and jeans and rummaged around the dresser for her sports bra and sweats pulling them on hastily. Grabbing her iPod, she checked the playlists once, tucked the buds into her ears and started back down the stairs. “Natalie where…?” Her mother’s question fell on deaf ears as Natalie ran past her again and out the front door.

When she needed to think she ran. And Natalie ran. She ran past the school and the quad where she and her friends spend most of their free periods. She ran past the ice cream parlor and arcade where she first admitted her crush to Jessica. She ran past the café and sports bar Riley often took her on dates. She ran past the club where she caught her best friend bent over the sink taking it from behind in the women’s bathroom from her boyfriend. Natalie didn’t stop running until she was at the condemned sign of the water plant she’d seen just a few minutes earlier. 

The idea that someone lived beneath it was strange to her. In a town where everyone knew and gossiped about anyone’s personal life the fact that no one had ever spoken about the strange man she’d encountered a few times surprised her. Who was he? Where did he come from? How long had he been living beneath the streets and why hadn’t anyone ever mentioned him before? She pulled one of the buds from her ear and slowly approached the fence. Catching movement on the roof she stepped back, replaced the bud, turned the music up louder and ran towards Ackerman’s square.

Blake could hear the power behind the tune in her ears as he watched her backtrack up the street and towards the park. It was late, it was dark and she was in the wrong neighborhood for a run. “Fuck me,” he growled, hopped down from the building and started following her. He watched her turn the corner into Ackerman’s and jumped the fence at the end of the block. 

Natalie took a seat with her diary by the arboretum and just stared at the plant life. Little butterflies and wisps floated nearby and she distracted herself with the night growth of the moon flower and water lilies, they were only visible at this hour. She touched the petal of the moon flower as the bud began to open and smiled as it seemed to respond to her gentle caress. Blake watched from where he stood near the entrance enjoying the way she took to nature and how caring she was with this flower in particular. He made a mental note and moved a little closer as she leaned back and opened up the book from the bag she’d brought with her.

Everything is wrong. Life is not going the way I had dreamt and I feel so powerless to stop it. Dad is pressuring me even more to follow in his footsteps. He wants me to inherit Silvercorp when he retires but business acquisitions and stomping on the ‘little man’ is NOT what I want to do for a living. And Mom is well…Mom. Still beating into my head how important it is I meet all of her thousands of criteria to be the ‘perfect daughter’ and the ‘perfect dancer’ and the ‘perfect student’ and the ‘perfect example of a human being’. How can she expect me to compare with the ideals of how I should act and who I should be when she’s FAR from a perfect example of anything! She has no idea who I am and could not even begin to fathom how far from the family tree I’ve fallen. Sometimes I think I was adopted.

I met someone recently, well he’s the same someone I met a few nights ago before the party at Jess’. He saved me from an attacker behind Mel’s Café but ran off before I had a chance to thank him. I tried again tonight but he shut me out. I guess it should be expected. I did kind of follow him somewhere I wasn’t invited. But he never gave me the chance to speak to him. I was shocked having found myself in a hidden underground room with no clue how I’d gotten there. And waking up naked in some stranger’s bed was not my idea of a good time. Under the circumstances I think I did well not going totally ballistic on him about that. There’s no telling the number of things he could have done to me while I was out.

But I trusted him. After all he didn’t have to come to my rescue that night and he took such care in cleaning my injuries the day I followed him down into the sewer. He doesn’t seem like such a bad guy. I think he’s temperamental but that seems influenced by the fact that he is forced to wear a mask and hide his face from everyone. He’s hiding period it would seem. Maybe one of these days he’ll let me thank him properly. Until such time I will keep away from his ‘place’.

                                                                                                                                                -NS

“Ahem,” Blake cleared his throat behind her and she turned with a start.

“You!”

“Uh…”

“Don’t tell me, I’m sitting on your favorite spot in the grass and would I kindly move so you can rest your feet? Don’t worry I was getting ready to leave anyway,” Natalie replied brusquely and stood.

“No that wasn’t it. Um,” Blake rubbed his hand across the back of his neck and sighed. “I was hoping to…I wanted to say…I came to apologize for my behavior earlier tonight. I didn’t mean to scare you and I’m sorry. You were trying to thank me and I was being a bit of an…”

“Asshole?” she finished his sentence and crossed her arms into her chest.

He looked up into her eyes with a smile and nodded in agreement. “Yeah that. Um I’m not very used to people being nice to me and I guess you being in my home kind of startled me.”

“Your home? You mean you really do live down there?” He nodded his head as she slowly approached him and he waited for her to get as close as she wanted. “Look I didn’t mean to intrude. I had no right following you the other day and no right to come back tonight. And I’m sorry about what I said about you being lonely. You have every right to privacy, believe me I understand how much of a privilege that can be.”

He smiled at her and she found herself returning the expression. Blake moved forward a step and the scent of lavender washed over him instantly. It could be normal considering they were standing in the middle of a garden but after smelling her a few days earlier, he knew better. It was her scent and the more he inhaled, the more he became a slave to it. “I’m Natalie by the way.”

“I know.”

“You do? Oh. Well this is normally the part where you tell me your name in return.”

“My name’s not really important; at least for now.” She gave him a look of understanding and he reached into his pocket to retrieve the item he snatched off his nightstand before following after her. “I have something that belongs to you.”

“My necklace! Where did you…? I thought it was gone forever. Thank you.” Their hands touched briefly but in Blake’s mind the moment seemed to linger as her tiny, delicate fingers rested against his palm. She placed the heart jewel in her pocket and turned back to look at him. “And also thank you for saving me the other night. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t shown up when you did.”

“I’m just glad I was there when I was. I’m sorry that happened to you and that you had to see my…my face. I know it probably came as quite a shock to you.”

“What? No. No that wasn’t it. The entire thing scared me really but I, it wasn’t you.” Blake smiled and turned to leave. “Wait! Don’t go. I’m uh, I’m not ready to go home right now and I would really appreciate the company?”

“Of course.” He took a seat against the log and she quietly joined him. Moonlight sparkled off the nearby lake and she stared into it in deep thought as the man beside her took in the view of the garden. Every now and again she would glance in his direction, neither making a sound. It was just nice being in the company of someone who had no expectations of her. Natalie leaned deeper against the log, rested her hand in the cool earth beside her and sighed. The feeling of peace would all be gone once she walked back into the door of her home.

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